Uuuuuugh

I hate dieting. I really, really do. However...I'm still trying my hand at it.

Over the past couple of years, I've learned a few things. The most important?

Do what works for you.

I know it sounds simple, but it's really not. People like to tell you exactly how they think you should lose weight. I've dealt with some really cruel comments this past year from...doctors. So, I'm going to do it my way, and I'm pretty sure it's unhealthy.

I'm about to practice food avoidance and sleep.

Food avoidance sounds like a "no duh" sort of thing, huh? "Right Cat, eat less. That's how you lose weight." Either that or like I'm planning on going anorexic. I promise I'm not. I can't. I adore food.

What I mean is - I'm going to watch less TV (so I don't see those darn food commercials). I'm going to complain when my boyfriend or roommate want to order in pizza again. Or when they want to go to a burger joint. When we do eat out, I'm going to refuse to be the person that scours Yelp to find the perfect place. Yes, Yelp makes me hungry.

I haven't been eating breakfast. Or lunch. Well, maybe a piece of fruit for lunch. I've ditched diet redbulls/sodas in favor of regular coffee with real sugar. Dinner has been really basic, and not too awful.

Yesterday I ate: an orange, two cups of coffee with sugar, two pitas stuffed with romaine lettuce and low-cal dressing, and my version of nachos - a huge can of black beans with a little salt, plus a few chips and a light sprinkling of cheese. And a glass of skim milk.

It's not a lot. It's certainly not recommended by the health magazines/websites. I'm supposed to eat tiny meals 6,000 times a day. You know what happens then? I am hungry constantly. I think about my next mini-meal and want to cheat so it's bigger.

I'm supposed to eat a big breakfast. That would be fine...but it also makes me hungrier. If I think about food, I'm going to try and seek it out. So I avoid it until the evening, when I tend to like to eat anyway.

I've completely stopped snacking after dinner. Partially because I eat later and go to bed earlier.

Bed is part two. I used to barely sleep and now I'm forcing 7 + hours of continuous sleep on myself.

Hopefully this helps. I truly do not have time to workout on a regular basis. No, not even a half an hour. I wake up, get dressed and leave for work in the span of 15 minutes. Then I drive. Then I get to work and spend the next 8 hours (minus the orange and coffee) working and maybe spend a minute here and there surfing the wonderful web. Then I drive home, open the door, turn on my laptop and start doing freelance work. I cook dinner, eat it while working, then shower and get ready for bed. The end.

I do get out of the house here and there on the weekends. But I spend it with my boyfriend and friends. I don't want to hide away in a tiny, stinky gym not socializing. So...unhealthy diet it is.

Wish me luck.

P.S. I'm not a size 2 girl wanting to have her spine show through her clothes (for the record, EW, that's AWFUL!). I'm also not a 300 pound giant. I just want to feel better about myself. Because I really, really have a complex going. I got gussied up for a conference last year and my boss took a photo of me. I saw it and wanted to cry - this chubby faced girl looked back at me. My best friend promised me I don't normally look that way, but my boyfriend said. "Huh, you look Korean." So fat me looks Korean. Which is odd, seeing that I'm mostly Chinese & Greek. Oh well.

In anycase, I don't want to avoid mirrors or photos anymore. I'm really tired of it.