Eff-U Venus Razor Stupid-Head

I'm really tired of looking at the Venus Women's razor ads on my tv. Not that I normally harbor grudges against women's beauty products, but I really can't stand the things. All womens' razors, actually. I admit, I am completely guilty of stealing my boyfriend's razor. Over and over again. However, I will never touch his shaving cream.

It all started when I decided to stop using the disposable women's razors in favor of something a little nicer, thinking that the move would be an upgrade. I bought into the advertising of Gillette's Venus razor and picked one up at my local Target. It was supposed to simultaneously hug my curves for a close shave and protect them from nicks and cuts - awesome. I get home and test it out in the shower on my legs...not bad. I felt a little too much cold metal and a little drag around my knees to make me comfortable, but it wasn't awful. Then I went for the armpits. Suddenly I'm bleeding and there's stinging and yelping and hopping around in an attempt to rinse off conditioner and shaving cream fast enough to keep from bleeding to death in the shower. I briefly reflect on the Psycho-like trail of blood flowing into the drain, get out , drip water all over the floor (which I HATE) and run to the mirror. I lift up my arm and the water has smeared the blood all over my inner arm and along my side. I I grab some toilet paper to wipe off the blood and get a look at the wound - the stupid Venus gave me a 5-inch gash. In my armpit.

That was it for me and the Venus. Maybe I didn't give it enough of a chance, but after a week and a half of being unable to wear deodorant under my left arm, I was angry AND stinky and hairy. Well, on one side at least.

That same week I sneakily tried out my boyfriend's razor. Sweet, merciful heaven, it was perfect. No nicks, no cuts, close shave, and it looked all chrome-y and awesome.

I bring this up because I recently discovered that, even though men's razors seem to be far superior to women's, their shaving cream is horrible. I had noticed all the pain my boyfriend went through when he shaved - it didn't make sense to me, because his razor was ever so nice. Then, when I ran out of my own Skintimate shave gel, I reached for his stuff and was horrified. My previous razor no longer managed to glide effortlessly over my skin, NAY, it began to drag and catch.

I made him try my shaving cream a few weeks ago, and you know what? He loves it. Sure, he smells like lavender, but cologne and aftershave can cover that up. Plus his face is as smooth as a baby's poopy end.