I miss the catharsis of writing.
In recent years, I've found myself able to blog less and less. I fear both the risk of banality and the career and personal consequences of over-sharing. Yet I can't bring myself to create an anonymous account somewhere new.
I enjoy spewing out hyperbolically-enhanced versions of my neuroses. Ranting about politics. Rambling excitedly about everything and nothing.
But - the older I get, the more secrets I have to keep. Some belong only to me, but others aren't mine to divulge. Self-censorship ensues. It becomes harder and harder to get anything onto the page.
In addition, I've been feeling increasingly lost. I'm sure the myriad of stressors in my life is a contributing factor but ... Okay, maybe THE contributing factor.
Or maybe it's not just stress. Maybe it's just a normal twenty-something thing to go through. A healthy dose of existential angst? Part of self-discovery?
I'm tempted to be a little more selfish, share a little more, and work up the intestinal fortitude to be bold. Bold-er, at least. Or I could just escape the world by curling up on my purple couch with Cheeto, the two of us safely burritoed in my fuzzy green blanket.
Maybe a little of both.
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2 comments:
Never fear to open up to people. Release all the pent up thoughts, you may be surprised how much support you have behind you. It may ruffle a few feathers but hey, whats life's highway without a few interesting billboards?
Hey, I could have written this.
I mean, I still write, but I keep it saved all as drafts on an unrelated site that I should probably just go ahead and nuke for my own well-being, but between not feeling like I can fully express myself and feeling lost...well...yeah. I have a good job that affords me a decent way of life, friends, the comedy thing, opportunities, etc., but I think having all this freedom is almost a bad thing.
The other day, a friend said "Look, you have more than the rest of us do and you treat it like it's a burden." Obviously they've never heard Mo' Money Mo' Problems, but I digress. Sure, I do OKAY, but I'd almost throw it all away just to be headed in a direction that I felt was right.
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