Ramblings on weight and autonomy

So this has been making the rounds on Facebook:

Original caption: "Each of these women weighs 150 lbs.

I'm comfortable with the message - women come in all shapes and sizes. Period. Some of us have more muscle, some have more body fat, some of that body fat can be fluffy or firm ... it varies. It is what it is. We are what we are.

It's sad that we still need to make points like these. There's far too much time spent auditing men's and women's bodies - we need to look like X and anyone who doesn't fit that mold is inferior/a freak of nature/lazy/etc. AND, if you have the audacity to fail to be X, let me give you boatloads of unsolicited advice on how to force yourself to fit that mold.

I recently leveled up (imho) when I realized that I needed to stop making jokes about skinny people. I have long been a fan of the fat acceptance movement (because STOP AUDITING OTHER PEOPLE'S LIFESTYLES UNLESS YOU ARE THEIR PHYSICIAN), but still cracked "she needs to eat a cookie/sandwich/etc." jokes whenever Anne Coulter came up in conversation. Or when someone particularly slim passed by me on the street. Or... whenever. It finally hit me - if I'm tired of fat folks having to explain their fatness (medication/injury/love of food/etc), then skinny peepz shouldn't be criticized either. You never know why someone weighs what they do. Or looks the way they do. And really, it's none of  your damn business, other than to let them be - their own bodies, their own choices and don't you dare act like they need to justify it to you. I'm happy to have come to that realization. Becoming a more positive, supportive human being is a journey, after all.

Anyhoo, I guess my point is that critics should shut their pie holes (even the "I'm just worried about your health" types - it is condescending, and some people refer to them as "concern trolls"). I'm fine discussing obesity and eating disorders in general terms, but interrogating/attacking individuals is cruel and unnecessary. 

Kitchen Gadgets You Actually Use

I'm certainly not immune to impulse buys. Many are cooking oriented, but only a handful have been truly useful.

Here's what I've ended up using on a regular basis, long after the initial purchase:
- Slow cooker. Once I discovered the little liners, this became an amazing purchase. Virtually no cleanup, good results, and a nice time saver.
- Breadmaker. So cheap to make the loaves, SO tasty, and the whole apartment smells incroyable.
- Rice cooker. Beats the heck out of that 10-minute rice junk.
- Electric mixer. I have the cheaper handheld version (as opposed to those glorious, but expensive, KitchenAid mixing stands), but golly do I ever get some good use out of it. Cupcakes and mousses and frostings, OH MY!
- Airpopper. Noisy noisy noisy, but yum. Infinitely yummier than the microwaved stuff - AND healthier. Win-win.

Despite my best intentions, these have mostly gone unused:
- French press. I don't have a dishwasher, so I don't feel like adding to my daily dish load. Delicious as a treat, but I only pull it out a few times a year.
- Handheld milk frother. Super cool, purchased to help me make a homemade version of Starbucks green tea lattes. Also delicious, but I haven't even dug it out of the cupboard at all in 2012.
- Blender. It's just such a pain to clean. I dreamed of a life filled with breakfast smoothies, but it was not meant to be.
- Espresso maker. Muse had one when I moved in, and we've maybe used it three times since 2004. Apparently I don't value my kitchen real estate enough to get rid of it.
- Drip coffeemaker. Used a few times a year, but it's just not as good as the french press and/or the stuff we get at the local coffee shop down the block.

P.S. Links go to the actual makes/models I purchased with my own real-world monies. :) 

Various fruits (or baked goods) of my labor:

Orange cranberry cupcakes with buttercream frosting

A mushy but lufferly rainbow layer cake

Angel food cake with Cool Whip, blueberries and strawberries for the 4th of July

Yummy rum cake

Interior of rainbow cupcakes

Exterior of rainbow cupcakes, plus chocolate peanut butter cupcakes.

Accidental Awesomeness aka A Fast Track to Diabetes

- Mix up a box of brownie mix, following the instructions on the box (eggs, water, oil, etc).

- Spread said mix across the bottom of a baking pan.

- Gently plop a layer of cherry pie filling on top of the brownie foundation.

- Mix 8 oz of cream cheese with one pound of powdered sugar, a teaspoon of vanilla extract, and a half a stick of butter.

- Even more gently plop that on top of the cherry pie filling.

- Sprinkle a 12 oz bag of semi-sweet chocolate chips over the top.

- Bake at 350 degrees Fahrenheit for 50 minutes.

- Let cool.

Enjoy an overly sweet, gooey pile of awesomeness. A glass of milk is recommended.

Shhh

Don't tell my doctor or any nutritionist who ever existed ...

I feel awesome today. And yet I started the day with a McDonald's egg, cheese, and sausage biscuit (soooo bad for my arteries) plus an extra large iced coffee. For lunch I had chocolate. Just chocolate. Throw in some questionable-but-upbeat music on my iPod and I'm feeling the best I have in awhile. Seriously.

Why does junky food make me feel so much better than the nutritious stuff?

What's that smell?

I worry sometimes that what I bring for lunch might stay around longer than I intend. Food aromas can be pretty distinct and, unfortunately, some have a tendency to linger.

Today I had tuna. For all I know, right now my office mates think I'm a weird lady that smells funny.

For the sake of etiquette, there are some things that just shouldn't be brought to work. These include:

- Popcorn. It's delicious, but everyone can smell it. EVERYone. You're not working in a movie theater.
- Broccoli. Sorry guys, but this stuff smells like flatus. Unless you're very, very cruel, it's not what you want your cubicle to smell like.
- Any and all fish/seafood.
- Children. I realize this digresses a bit from the original topic of food ... but ... I don't care how well-behaved Timmy is, I don't want to waste precious time pretending that he's cute while making awkward kid small talk. I can only have the "What grade are you in now? Look how big you've gotten!" conversation so many times before I snap.

Tragedy at suppertime

So there I was.
Home from a long, hard day at work.
Making myself a delicious, nutritious Lean Cuisine delicacy.
The little black plastic dish looked out at me from behind the microwave door.
Spinning in circles.
I looked right back at it.
Eager and ready.
Beep beep beeeeep.
Went my microwave.
"Hoorah!" went my tummy.
"Hello gooooorgeous," I said as I opened the door.
Reaching eagerly for my meal with hands bare.
But as my fingers wrapped themselves around the little black plastic dish.
My nerves registered HOT PAIN.
"GAH!" I said as I lifted the little black plastic dish.
Up and away from the safety of the microwave.
"NOOOOO!" I said as the little black plastic dish.
Leapt away from my pain flashing fingers.
Tipping over and away from me.
End over end.
Into the garbage can.
"Oh," I said.
Looking at the upside down little black plastic dish.
Sitting in the garbage can.
And then I made this face:

Accidental Vegetarianism

I'm not a vegetarian. I had always wanted to be one, mainly because every animal I've ever met has tugged at my heartstrings . But, when it came down to it, I never managed to put down the burger.

Here's why: I LOVE meat. Rather, I *used* to love meat.

It started with ham. I've always, always HATED ham. It smells fantastic - the idea of it is divine. But the reality is that it makes me nauseous, without fail. I'd notice that my food tasted off, ask what was in it and find out ham was part of the mix. It was okay though - bacon and pork were still divine.

Next came chicken. If chicken tastes like, well, chicken, I spit it out. It gets my gag reflex going. Drowned in sauces, it isn't too bad, but boiled chicken makes me ill.

It's not like I'm imagining the little slaughtered animals. No. It just turns in my mouth. It's like eating something that is about to give you food poisoning. "I thought that tasted off..." Then you spend the next two days writing in agony on the bathroom floor, trying desperately to aim the proper end of yourself toward the toilet.

Eventually all poultry started giving me trouble, then pork, and I convinced myself that if I could eat fish and big, juicy steaks, I would make a fine vegetarian.

But tonight, it happened. The lovely beefy-meaty marinara sauce my boyfriend made for our spaghetti dinner turned on me. I hope this hasn't spread to steak, but I fear that I might slowly phase out all meat entirely.

I guess I need to start adjusting my diet, so I don't end up looking like one of those hollow-eyed vegans with the dark under-eye circles and pale, pale skin.

Catching Up #3

Thanksgiving was all kinds of wonderful. Not only did I get to go to San Francisco for the first time in ages, I also got to hang out with my dad's side of the family (also for the first time in ages).

Lucky me - I had two thanksgiving dinners.

I brought this: Mashed Sweet Potatoes with Brown Sugar & Pecans

It may sound simple, but it's freaking delicious. Make sure to double the topping.

A week(ish) in review...

Here's the dilly, yo...

Monday I was digging the holiday vibe and dreading going back to work, so I nagged my boyfriend into leaving the house to serve as a distraction.

We went out for lunch.


While we were there, my boyfriend said, "Oh look. It's Ben Stein." I looked over and, sure enough, there the 'publican was, with a skinny blonde in tow. (I didn't bother photographing him myself, because, well, he's a 'publican. Ick.)


Ugh. Snarky (and quiet) comments (on our part) ensued. Luckily I still managed to enjoy the mabo don I had. Yum.

Tuesday I noticed that there were more signs of bananas in my apartment's courtyard.


I swear that thing is going to open up and say "FEEEED MEEEE" a la Little Shop of Horrors. Anyway, it's nice to know that, despite the smog, stuff can still grow in this city.

Wednesday* I ran out of eyeliner and ordered some new makeup. "Stray dog,"bad education, " "zero," and "orgasm" were the names of the colors. Who in the world comes up with these things?

"I think I'll name this one, 'penguin spunk'."
"Oh, excellent idea! So glamorous!"


Thursday I finally got a handle on all of my classes. I also got some very cool, free running shoes to replace my old, nasty (but still beloved) ones.





These things helped me run my fastest ever mile. Not that I'm fast at all...it was just fastER. 9:07. Not amazing in the least, but I've never been a runner-type. Never will be.

Friday was uneventful, though work was hellishly busy. We went out to dinner with some friends and I hit the gym.

Saturday (today!) was...irritating. I went to Target in West Hollywood to hunt down a TI-83 for my advanced statistics course. I got there and saw a swarm of photographers snapping away in the parking garage. They pushed past me to get into the elevator, so I gave up and used the escalator.

And there she was...

I should add that this isn't my photo. And it's not from today.

I should also add that if you see a headline along the lines of, "woman attacks Jessica Alba," you'll probably see a picture of me. One of the a$$hole photographers tripped me, and I fell towards her. Whoops. It wasn't my fault, I was totally trying to avoid the whole thing.

Unfortunately I couldn't find the calculator on my own, so a Target employee...who sounded like Hank Azaria in the Birdcage...took me around the entire store several times over to look for it.


I've noticed lately that even the straight guys in West Hollywood *sound* gay. Anyway, we kept coming back to the mass that was Jessica Alba, her paparazzi, her man, and her baby. I literally had to dodge and duck to keep from getting knocked over.


Luckily, I'm a ninja.

I finally got the calculator and rushed out when an enormous photographer (he looked to be around 7 feet tall) started an argument with the security guard.

It was weird as hell seeing all these people with backpacks, sprinting and stuffing their cameras away when Target employees came their way. My helpful Target employee was stopped by a rotund guard who said, "if you see anyone with a camera, tell them to put it away and keep it away, or I'm putting them in jail. Well, I'll arrest them, then put them in jail."

Eek.

Anyway, it was a semi-eventful week, methinks. Hopefully next week will be a little less frantic.



*As far as Palin's Wednesday appearance is concerned, I am trying very hard to ignore her existence. Blech.