Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts

4.11.2012

Marital Blur

Inspired by Jen Doll at the Hairpin.

- The one where I puked. I was five and got sick all over my dress. My parents whisked me away in a taxi before the reception.

- The one where I was a flower girl. My super cool, magic-trick wielding, motorcycle-riding cousin was getting married to a gorgeous lady who sported leather jackets. (They're still together, and still cool). I vividly remember trying on the peach satin dress with white lace overlay and later pairing it with a gigantic white flower & streamer headband.

The one at the Faire. Renaissance theme in the woods around Tahoe, family I'd forgotten, and my mom glaring at my grandma for dancing too close to younger men. I don't remember much else, but I kept the program in an old photobook.

- The shotgun. My high school bestie and his wife-to-be started their family very, very early. I was a groomsman (woman?), wore a vest, and lent my skirt to a bridesmaid (in favor of pants). It rained the best kind of rain at the reception (big, warm droplets). I ate nacho cheese from a crockpot and danced outside.

- The other cousins. Swanky country club, swanky Greek Orthodox ceremony, not so swanky wrap dress from Target.

- The one with bees. I ----ing hate bees. My boyfriend at the time took me as a date to his friends' wedding. They had rotten-tasting champagne in mini bottles marked with the names of the bride and groom. I wore a stretchy lavender floral dress.

- The one with garters. I was feeling adventurous, so I put on a black wrap dress and thigh high stockings held up by garters. My date was the same as before, and this again was his friends' wedding. I knew no one and the mother of the bride glared at me and my stockings.

- The one with a new friend. Three weddings in one summer and again it was my boyfriend's friends. This time I ended up becoming forever friends with the bride. She is brilliant and funny. Every table had a camera, so I snapped silly shots of people I hardly knew. Can't for the life of me remember what I wore.

- The one with an old friend. Up to Montana from Colorado to see another high school bestie marry a gal from our rival high school. I'd dyed my hair red, wore all black, and sang at a Catholic ceremony. It was lovely seeing all of the old crew from high school - far enough out that we had plenty of news, but not so long that we'd lost the closeness.

- The one in the mountains. Up to Big Sky for a serene and gorgeous mountain ceremony. The black wrap dress came out again and my latest boyfriend met a man who was actually named Bubba. Who does that to their children?

- The one in the backyard. Overcrowded, Christmas lights, and a marriage that lasted a year. Oh, yes, black. Wrap. Dress.

- The sweetest one. My favoritest cousins, an aunt, and my favorite set of wedding vows. "Til life or love leaves us." I wore a long black maxi dress, burgundy cardigan, and red kitten heels. Ooooh, and the gluten-free cake: AMAZING.

8.19.2011

Shhh

Don't tell my doctor or any nutritionist who ever existed ...

I feel awesome today. And yet I started the day with a McDonald's egg, cheese, and sausage biscuit (soooo bad for my arteries) plus an extra large iced coffee. For lunch I had chocolate. Just chocolate. Throw in some questionable-but-upbeat music on my iPod and I'm feeling the best I have in awhile. Seriously.

Why does junky food make me feel so much better than the nutritious stuff?


6.05.2010

Hmm...

I think I need a little soul...

5.10.2010

Musings and happenings

Some of this weekend was great.
  • I felt good enough to voluntarily go for a hike.

  • I walked Cheeto.

  • I had my first official press junket experience (I'd link you to that, but it's embargoed).
Some of it was deeply upsetting.

Some of it was productive. (I'm excited that Chanpory has started posting again after a long hiatus.)

Some of it was introspective.
  • I'm still thinking about Getting Things Done. I believe part of my issue with it is that I feel like I get plenty done. I just want to keep increasing the quality of what I spend my time on, which means saying no to the stuff that won't increase my happiness/satisfaction levels. I also need to be better about setting boundaries - I deserve guilt-free free time to just spend as I like. I can't help everyone and I can't do everything. I *shouldn't* do everything. Will I regret not finishing something a smidge earlier when I'm old and gray, or will I regret not spending more time enjoying the people and the world around me? Some folks absolutely need a better system for keeping themselves organized, but I don't think I'm one of them. I'm happy with what I have in place and need to cut back on the quantity of what I'm doing.

  • Perhaps it's less that I dislike GTD and more that I dislike the idea of implementing a whole new system of organization. I'm pleased with what I've created for myself and suppose I feel a bit protective of it.

  • It's too bad that cutting back on the quantity of what I'm doing means that I have to choose between: a) cutting back on my activities that bring in income, b) cutting back on the activities that help people I care about, and c) cutting back on things that I find emotionally rewarding. Saying no to income is a luxury of the well-off. Cutting back on helping people makes me feel guilty and selfish. Not doing things that I find emotionally rewarding means that, if I'm hit by a bus tomorrow, I die unfulfilled.

  • I also have to consider the fact that doing too much can have negative effects on my physical and mental well being. I can't help anyone if I'm too frantic and frazzled to function.

7.16.2009

Leave

I'm not one of those people that thinks you have to suck it up. That there's nothing you can do about it, so wait it out. Grin and bear it and make it through. Deal.

Nope.

Not me.

It's not about running away at the first sign of trouble. It *is* about knowing you deserve to enjoy being alive.

Sometimes happiness can only be found if you go. Get out. Leave.

4.04.2009

Escape

Me on Jaunary 19, 2004:

"There's always that inner angst you can't get rid of. Or maybe it's just something I can't get rid of. That desire, that drive, that bit of you that can't keep still, that's straining and pushing and crying and hurting and burning and killing you. Absolutely killing you. It never goes away. I really, really wish it would. And yet I don't. What if it dies and I die with it? What if I become boring, dull, grey, khaki? What then? Then there is no purpose no point no reason."

Wow. That me really needed a hug. That was me in the middle of what was probably the hardest time of my life.

It's always interesting to dig back through old journals and blogs of one's own. It gives you insight into who you were and how you've changed. If you've changed.

Luckily I'm a lot happier than I was then. There's still the pain from the past, but it's healed from a screaming wound to a dull ache that acts as white noise.