Me on Jaunary 19, 2004:
"There's always that inner angst you can't get rid of. Or maybe it's just something I can't get rid of. That desire, that drive, that bit of you that can't keep still, that's straining and pushing and crying and hurting and burning and killing you. Absolutely killing you. It never goes away. I really, really wish it would. And yet I don't. What if it dies and I die with it? What if I become boring, dull, grey, khaki? What then? Then there is no purpose no point no reason."
Wow. That me really needed a hug. That was me in the middle of what was probably the hardest time of my life.
It's always interesting to dig back through old journals and blogs of one's own. It gives you insight into who you were and how you've changed. If you've changed.
Luckily I'm a lot happier than I was then. There's still the pain from the past, but it's healed from a screaming wound to a dull ache that acts as white noise.
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